I left house at 0930 hours today heading off to Changi ferry terminal. Happily smiling my way at the sweet weather that I am blessed with. So sunny! :D


All of us were late but I happened to be later, meh. Kyun Sha and Indah were already there and from how they were dressed, I'm the only one who dressed for occasion. So bumboated to Ubin (: Damn excited please, I looked the kid that peered out the boat as it sped through.

Bicycles were rented and we set to move by 1130hours. I was sorry for them because they were not prepared for the battering I planned for them. Did some pretty sloppy research on trails at 1am but heyyy I am QUITE familiar with Ubin after wheel torture 101 some months back.

SO up the hill, down the hill, a little treasure up a flowery area where NO ONE bothers and gawk. View of the quarry was beyond amazing with all that plants and sun! Down to the dirt tracks (finally baby) kept turning back, trying so hard to not get lost - inject some pantings from Kyun - a whole family of wild boars getting chased by a dog. Ridiculous questions flew by "ILI ARE THERE COWS/TIGERS/SHEEP/LAMBS/MONKEYS HERE?!" which I affirmed it all. Haha! Intermittent stops to look at a certain things (more of the recover-from-slope-climbing stops actually). STAIR-CLIMBING OMG. That was pure torture but the view made up for the tiredness. Indah was perservering ((: Boardwalks and more uphill craziness. Horseshoe crabs and ugly mudskippers! Tombstones and wells. An uncle called Osha a boy. CLASSIC.

After all of 3.5 hours of cycling, we went back to civilisation to have late lunch. I love conversations with them, they who weren't from co-ed, really spice things up haha!



Regardless of sore throat, when Syahril the princess wants to talk to you, he WILL talk to you. Almost an hour on the phone with him telling me Pocahontas is skanky, and we were giggling away, googling Pocahontas (a shemale version) and reading excerpts off the net. Dela called from the airport asking me to go and meet up but I skipped. Haha Par sounds really nice ;p and she didn't, much to my amazement. Adel is such love at times like these.


I watched Pocahontas. Many sweet memories!


My last day of 2008 was very well spent (: I bask in their company and it brought such a loving glow to me.

ofblack&white
9:54 PM

Talk about a day well spent. And I skipped soccer tonight ohmyGod that's really a first it's all Dr Liu's fault!

Anyway I finally watched Stardust with Cj over at my place. Talking about Cj, that ass came by my place all red-faced and totally reeking of alcohol. She said only a cup of wine. I don't believe you! But Stardust made up for it and it left me all soppy and sweeeeeet I text her when it finished (which was at... 3am) and am so glad to get a sweet reply instantly HAHA.

So Sunday I went soccer in the morning with the NUS kids, then ended up cycling to Tanah Merah from Bedok Reservoir, then back home. Was awesome. I skipped going to the mosque and my dad was very annoyed when he got to know of it when he got back. Not the soccer part, if he knows soccer part I'm beyond dead.

Sheesh, parentals.

Yesterday was teaching and a whole lot of sleep, with Farah calling me while I'm in the midst
of it, just to ask for a cousin's name -.- Which she forgotten.


Today I was at AMK Hub by 9.30am to have breakfast with Andrea and the aunty at the shop was giving us horribly baleful looks because we couldn't make up our minds. And punished us by serving us very late. Meh. There's quite a lot to see at AMK Hub; walking and talking, good way to while the time. (: Good time spent!

Headed to Bishan to take a bus to Zhong's then to Changi. Got slightly lost and we cycled from Changi Village to East Coast. So awesome know! We passed the whole stretch of the airport, stopping many times to swoon and gape at the planes that were taking off. That was beyond amazing can. Our butts were aching like crazy and we were quite lost searching for the bicycle rental shop to return the bicycles. It is a cool concept for bicycle renting by the way; you can rent bicycles from any of the 4 shops and return it to any other of their outlets, so we cycled from Changi and dumped the bicycles at East Coast. Ha. Went Parkway for early dinner and boy can we eat. I think I killed Zhong with the many many stupid things I did like dancing and skipping and marching.

Tomorrow promises to be a good day out with Osha Kyun and Indah, maybe Yu as well!


Lately been feeling quite guilty since I lied to my parents a lot, especially for the cycling part. I think I should start staying home more oft and be the obedient daughter they have hoped to find in me...

ofblack&white
7:34 PM

So my parents decided to go Malaysia on Thursday and I opted to stay back in Singapore. Obviously 4 days of parent-freedom is a stronger appeal than shopping&eating (which was the biggest incentive). Shopping&eating would result in a gain of weight which is a high factor towards depression.
HA. SO bullshit.

So Ham dropped by for dinner after we roamed the street in search of cats. Cats are the CUTEST creatures on earth, did I mention that before? I got screamed at for not taking a picture of two cats kissing each other. I was too stunned! And stupid to not fill my camera with batteries. We were just getting comfortable watching Transformers when the other Male called and asked (more like told us) to go to Liat Tower, him on his way in a cab.
By the way Hamzah, your act of decency DID chalk up on brownie points!

SO Liat Tower was the way to go... for Zara Sale. I am still at a disbelief that he dragged us there to shop. And he came out disappointed, talking that rubbish about no more meaning to life, shopping was too much competition etc etc etc. -.-
I was lucky to have brought my camera along (this time with batteries). I had fun being that camera-totting tourist I've always despised, taking shots of every scenery. (: Went home after and I was craving for a movie and company. So at 2350 hours I asked if CJ wanted to come and watch a movie. Ended up she slept over. She snores you know.
I slept with a girl who snores. Gosh.
Anyway The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen was a good watch. I love the character Dorian Grey. I love the actor who act Dorian Grey because he is so drop dead sexy in waistcoat and all.


Yesterday I dragged myself to Clementi to play badminton with Dewi. It was worth it! Plus the wanton mee nearby was God-mode. But seriously, I got my fix of running and swatting shuttlecocks. HA.

I took 14 from Clementi which took no less than 10 years to reach Bedok Road. But it was really a good time spent sitting in that double deck looking out at the world. It passed by Orchard and to see thousands of people milling around, my heart was glad that I am inside a nice cold bus, listening to Anberlin over and over and over again and feeling it.
And Yats was late -.- Ate at Simpang and it's good. We had a lot to talk about, being bothered by a very gatal and fugly waiter, screaming at Dils when we noticed her, exchanged greetings with Jocelyn. It was like a mini-TK gathering. I love hugging Yats!

Was thinking of supper but thank God it didn't follow through. And no many how many practice I had dealing with crying females (I think Naz and Damsel made up for most of the experience), I'm still always affected by them. Sheesh.
But I'm glad that I was there to (in her words) pick up her pieces. That I was useful in some way.


Today I was due to teach but I felt a sorethroat coming and cancelled. Only having one session with MJ at 2. Meeting an aunt to get free lunch (: Cancelled on Qing and Mat. I don't mind Qing but somehow the thought of meeting Matin quite put me off. I'm not ready for acid at the moment haha! And Ivy also.

I guess I'll cycle around East Coast later. I have the need to get out of house without company except the wind.

Hope the night's been kind to you.

ofblack&white
12:03 PM

It's just mid-week and I don't know if it was just plain bad luck or karma or whatev word you can concoct out of misfortune. On Sunday I went out teaching at AMK (free murukus, don't you just love Vincent's mum?) and The Man was waiting at the void deck. So we went out to eat and as desperate I was to find the words to... end it all, I couldn't.
Before any of you scream and ask WHY it's was for his sake, it was never fair on him.

And he asked questions I longed for, yet I couldn't garner a proper response, hence blowing my chance away. And though I smiled, I was on the verge of tears already, yet I thank God you were there, to listen and care, even until I was safely home.


That truly suck I know I can't put it off already. And yes, I am very very sure he isn't the one, anymore.

As exhausted as I was, I awoke at 3. Usually a stomachache ensued but that night I didn't have any. Quite puzzling. Until I checked my phone for any text messages, I guess I knew why I was awake. Alarms, I have told her, are detrimental especially when I could not garner any response, which kept me awake most of the night/morning until you text. That's probably one of the longest 5 hours of my life (besides the wait for O/A level results! That felt like eternity). Calling at 745am (I never had someone calling me that early) and ended albeit reluctantly since I had to teach the Devil's Spawn's brother, Fathul. Somehow during the almost-3-hours worth of talktime there was something unspoken, and I have yet put a finger to it, or maybe I did but I chose to be that ignorant child. You're aware of it, that much is apparent.


Anyway teaching teaching. Afifa is teaching my ex-student's brother. The horror! After the last session, went to Parkway to meet Naz and Syahril. Haven't seen Naz for sometime (: And although you're pockmarked with pimples, I'll still love you HAHA. It'll disappear! I ate at banquet, my favourite noodles of course while he screamed playing VT3.


A morning's greeting, a noon's ranting of the sun and an afternoon of... I don't know of any word that could coin such a conversation. I met Nadz for lunch at Bagus (she was giving that I-miss-Singapore-food look). Was crazy screaming in the car and collapsing into laughter in the midst of parking. Haven't seen her for all of 5 months and Aussie didn't change her much, which was good! I was tad too early for training, it starts at 1900 and I was at Farrer Park station at 1730. So I sat at the stairs looking like a homeless with her iPod and the occasional smile when thoughtful text messages came through her phone. I was accompanied by a cat which shot off like lightning up a tree when a huge dog was at sight. Hilarious! She stayed there mewing her ass off.

Soccer, I sprained my right ankle, but I think it's slight sprain. Plus I got hit on my left knee.
Which hurt balls!
Way back home it was cold and then it started drizzling every so slightly (:

I felt a sore throat running after me. Decided to knock off early and lo behold I woke at 3 again, so tempted to take a scrub to scratch my throat. Wandering around the house in search of peppermint cure without waking anyone. Mid-morning texts sure gives you a warm glow ((: Cough syrup does make you fall back to sleep.
And to wake to yet another dose of... (:


My relatives are coming over today it's going to be havoc. My mum's cooking up a storm in the kitchen and here I am lazing in the room, so unmovable. Sloth I know! My father's siblings and families would be due in the evening, oh the joys of a packed house. Just when I decided to enjoy quiet cold day alone. I wished I could cycle far far away and sit in the rain listening to my iPod.


Peach walls, a very full bed you can't even lie on properly. Spilt milk and after eights. Post cereals and soggyness. Being yourself. Morose. And hearing my voice in your head.

You know, if you don't want to start anything, you should stop whatever it is that you're doing because I might get deluded,
yet again.

ofblack&white
11:38 AM

It has been a whirlwind, as per usual. There were little peculiar things happening, most notable would be the threesome who were playing wind instruments (if it's a flute or clarinet or oboe it would be fine but it's a blaring french horn) at 9pm at the Seletar Dam. Such oddity!

Last week I entertained 4 most noisy 13 year olds (but adorable nonetheless) over the weekend. Renting horror movies and bwling and bbq for them. Don't you think I'm nice spoiling them all! Haha movies that were scary I took it as an excuse to begin a nice warm conversation that lasted through the night ((: Hamzah finally settled my brother's computer and we shopped for it (rather he shopped for it, while I sit at one corner enjoying blissful music). There's the outing to the beach and a rather nice lying-on-the-crumpler-on-the-green-green-grass time (: And Jalan Kayu for dinner plus Seletar dam. That was beyond good. 

And like you said, ten hours! Two more hours to make a good twelve ha. Took my brother's computer from Hamzah's residence and the family plus Hamzah in tow went out for dinner since it's the Dad's birthday. I finally met Qingrui after he POPed, for pool and just time together. He annoyed me with all that talk about karma and "Ili you did something bad that's why you're doing horrible in pool". Dinner out with Pei En (:

Ham and Syahril came over on Friday to while time away. Them being hungry and I rummaging the refrigerator for food. They were great company (: 

And then it happened, I don't know how a small matter could escalate to one of biblical proportions. It was nothing short of a fucked up night. But it was made better, and we lasted until 4 am. It was good to fall asleep with your words warm, and to wake up to your thoughtfulness. Ha (:

Was supposed to be out teaching but Vincent has got last minute shopping to complete. Was suppose to be at Simpang, but the three of us ended up at Airpork Macs eating and talking. I love conversations with them, it could be deep, it could be superficial, all I know it's comfortable. Delightful! Had that little nonsense thing whilst waiting for Naz to get out of the Belts. Syahril was doing his glasses and plastics and Hamzah and I hid behind him, albeit Russian Dolls. Syahril wanted to push me into a wall. Hung around until 9.30pm at Starbucks doing general knowledge, which I truly suck at. I think I need to start reading already.

Dzul's finally back from Aussie. Still looking good and all! Had a 18-person dinner at Mas Ayu and Kak Shasha paid for it all (perks of working cousins).

Hope the zoo had been good.

ofblack&white
1:12 AM

I wish, you know, I wish I could lay there with you forever amidst the green and the sound of waves crashing hearts to pieces;
Wish to feel your head again on mine, melodies that filled the air only we can hear.
Comfort.
Where are we, where are we going? Nowhere for me, not anywhere for you. Weather, it binds us. Love that you think of me rain or shine,
I'll wish the tears away. So much spoken between, so much more to be said. So much more to be understood, appreciated, and more. Delving into the shy yet playful mind, saw the dark room you used to sit in, or maybe you still do. You spoke through my mind, and I see confusion in such clarity. So much felt when you... so much when we sang. And so much more when we were out chasing ideals that never were, never there. Yet you... kept me warm.
I wish time would stop, just a moment, for a moment. Under an umbrella, for a moment, in silence. Under a grey umbrella. Can we be selfish for once, and exclude anything outside the sphere? Can I climb your wall, and take the little child that has been cowering for so long?
Thoughts and what ifs goes further, further, and further,
only in my mind dear. Never anywhere in reality.
It's a sad yet happy thought, however you look at that glass filled.
Glad I could be...


What are you, what are you to me that it bothers me so much?


No matter, it's cloudy now, and I think of you when it's cloudy,
as you do me I'm very sure(:

ofblack&white
11:02 AM

I got this off Nur's blog.
YOU SHOULD SEE BOTH MY 13YEAR OLD'S BLOG. IT'S SCARING ME.


So anyway, I haven't partake in such things for a long time and the boredom is biting like a piranha. Might as well.


1. Put your music player on shuffle (done that).
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.

As with all examinations, tests, and brainless questionnaires, no cheating!

---------------------------------

How are you feeling today?
I Can't Stop Loving You - Ray Charles (I guess this isn't a bad start to the questions...)

Will you get far in life?
Battery - Metallica (I guess this means yes? With the help of a battery of course)

How do your friends see you?
Windowpane - Opeth (I think it means I'm a way out for them, whatever it means)

Will you get married?
Breathe - Greenwheel (I think I'll be having problems at the ROM that I have to breathe. See how it goes)

What is your best friend's theme song?
I've Got You Under My Skin - Michael Buble (could be apt)

What is the story of your life?
Afterlife - Dream Theater (it means that my life starts AFTER I die. God isn't that depressing?)

What was high school like?
Dame - Izmui You (chasing after dames. Fuck I hate Japanese singers now)

How can you get ahead in life?
The Funeral Portrait - Opeth (I knew that drawing would get me far...)

What's the best thing about your friends?
If - Destiny's Child (How true, they tell you ALL possible what if's, making your life either more miserable or suicidal)

What's in store for this weekend?
Wolf And Raven - Sonata Arctica (I'm going to the zoo??)

Describe your grandparents.
More Than This - Charlie Hunter feat. Norah Jones (yes finally a right answer)

How's your life going?
Twisted Logic - Coldplay (not helping)

What song will they play at your funeral?
Darling I Love You - B.T John (HAHA that's awesome)

How does the world see you?
Gimme More - Britney Spears (That I'm insatiable? Maybe true, but I should never have added this song into iTunes)

Will you have a happy life?
Creeping Death - Metallica (really, how optimistic)

Do people secretly lust over you?
Longer - Dan Fogelburg (Yes people lust longer for me than other people HAHA)

How can you make yourself happy?
Memory - Sugarcult (A very apt answer)

What should you do with your life?
Me, Myself and I - Beyonce Knowles (It's a sign that I should start being selfish ((: )

What does your mum think of you?
The Killing Hand - Dream Theater (I'm not that poisonous mum...)

What is your deep, dark secret?
Cool - Gwen Stefani (I thought this is a known secret??)

What is your mortal enemy's theme song?
Tearing Up My Heart - Nysnc (My enemy's got to be horribly cheesy)

What's your personality like?
Warning Sign - Coldplay (er??)

--------------------------------

Do you know what I derive from that questionnaire?
I should have less morose-sounding songs.


Anyway holidays are here! Three weeks of pure bliss away from weird weird symbols and unknown equations.
I still have to revise though.

Yesterday the Mothership sent me to school early at 4, when my paper started at 645pm. So to kill time (mum, I'm NOT complaining!) I went off to meet the two males, Syahril and Hamzah. I walked the way from school to PS, which took me 20 minutes. I feel so crippled. It was good catching up. I called Andrea if she's going for the Mocks and if she is maybe she could meet me at PS and walk the way together, but she wasn't. The point here was that they overheard that and (like sleek conniving con artists) persuaded me to ditch the mocks. And ended up watching Bolt. Bolt is good, I love Mittens the most (no surprises there). We had dinner at MacDonald House's LJS and went separate ways soon after.

Weichun fetched me from school and proceeded to get Andrea from her residence before heading down to ECP's lagoon to supt. Hmm foodwise, it's average. Maybe we didn't know which to buy from. Cooling night, stars, full moon, awesome breeze (:

Oh well, pros and cons to holidays. I hope I can move like a normal human being asap so I can go cycling and blading and ice-skating and just chillax with friends.


Once again, HOLIDAYS!

ofblack&white
9:40 PM

Oh the mocks are finally here and to say I could've done it... would be a big lie.
I knew I should have put in effort into revising but apparently the mind is all set for three weeks break.
During the break WC is probably coming up with study plans (only for Micro though, I need my other subjects salvaged!). But fret not I started my engines... only a little too late.
But we should aim for the bigger examinations no?
(This is me in denial mode and making up ALL kinds of excuses for myself)


Wouldn't say my knee is totally fine, I guess the healing process takes some pain and balls to get through.
I don't have the latter though. Oh well.
It's exceptionally painful when I changed the dressing. I have this love-hate relationship with Dettol Antiseptic cream at this moment since it hurts like fuck to apply it. So to soothe it I watched comedies. That's probably the best idea I've ever had for this year.

I watched best answers to this TV show Family Feud. It's quite an old show and sadly not around anymore. It should, because it's damn hilarious. Or maybe the Americans made it hilarious, I don't know. There were torrents of bimbotic answers such as

Host: Name me a state that starts with N.
Contestant: Mexico.

Host: Name me a three-letter animal
Contestant: Alligator.

Maybe President-Elect Barack Obama SHOULD do something about the education system there.


Hmm as usual in the middle of the week I feel like I hit a wall so much contradictions it's funny to think about it.

Anyway I'm not the only soul who got hit by a car. Huzaifa got hit while on a motorbike with his friend and I heard it's quite serious. Poor boy.
Yet again, my space was violated and I am very very anal about my personal space. Some people just don't seem to know it.


I only cried once in pain and I thank God for Matin who's awake at 2 am. Haha God bless the best friend. Oh yes Nadz is back from Aussie! It's time to pwn Popeyes now.

Huda Mima and Zhong got me a comforter and bedsheets! Ohmygod talk about original. Seriously, comforter is something I need quite badly during these cold cold months (it sound like winter but thankfully it isn't).


Meh. I'm indifferent at this moment.

ofblack&white
7:15 PM

So I went through a life-changing moment yesterday (insert dramatic oohs and drum roll).

I went cycling from Bedok to the borders of Sengkang (applause! hahaha) and for the journey back, I was quite pressed for time. So silly me cycled fast and saw that the green man wasn't exactly green (he was red, to be precise) but I decided to press on anyway. And lo behold, a Toyota Wish appeared and wham. I guess more damage was on me than the bicycle (my dad even cycled out today with it, how awesome ya). It was a bizarre experience, I remember seeing the front of the Wish as if I was flying. Haha so drama can! And the first thing I did after I got up was to apologise to the driver for denting his car. I wanted to slap myself for such stupidity, because now it hurts like fuck. Let's see, I have a wound on my knee the size of many fifty cent coins, it could buy me chicken rice. HAHA. And one on my elbow. Horrible bruising on my right shoulder and my neck felt like a lorry ran over me. And a bruise on the left temple as well.
But otherwise good.

Was rescued by the Man as usual. Whilst waiting for knight in shining armour (rather, shiny blue cab) I had another saviour over the phone to provide verbal therapy as annoying passers-by and those in their vehicles gawked. I feel like gouging their eyes out. One person was nice enough to stop his vehicle and asked if I need a lift. And an apek asked if I'm fine. Kind souls. Restored my faith in men I suppose.


So that's a life-changing moment. Looking back, I was thinking of what if's. What if there was an oncoming car that squashed me while I was sprawled on the road? What if the Wish didn't jam-braked on time? What if I landed on my head and become paralysed?
Gosh I could've died!

Today Naz set off for Myanmar. I'll miss you love! I'm sure you'll have great fun there and don't worry about the few of us here ((:

And Zhong just called to drop by. AW I FEEL SO LOVED HAHA.


Anyway my days were good lately ((: I'll try to summarise it in the most comprehensible way.

KFC breakfast tsk-ing aunty, 'ten body parts that's made of three letters' barley-tasting plain water and oh sundae pies. DSLRs peering over the shoulders. 101 on Half-Life2, back cleavages, (HAHA) third meal at LJS. Popular notebooks that makes you cringe, pikturez, bra-shopping pan-shopping cutlery-shopping, toys! looking-old-with-a-briefcase-bag. Ah-lian hairbands.

Hmm? A sunflower-filled motorcyclist (love the friendly cab-driver) Kumar's randomness, Hitler and one testicle (and his disturbing fetishes), singing in the rain. Huddling beneath Gerry's spoiled blue umbrella (I'M NOT COMPLAINING), coffee-milk tea (wtf?), racing up the down escalator, foccacia and chilli tuna, corn dogs/cornflakes. City Music and Little Martin! Running underneath a small jacket the Korean drama way. Swami and cutting trees (he has good comebacks). Cold Storage milk and honey stars, somersaults and tumble. Green chilli and ohh singing cheesy old songs (Tracy couldn't understand our fascination for it).
And chicken rice with him to finish the day.

Next was, cycling to Punggol Park at 9am. Prata and I don't-know what noodle; some people are just SO hungry. Around and around and saw MJ! Up hill down hill and Macs shivering. Shazreen's little ploy. Befriending execs so that they'll take care of our bicycles. Did I mention horrendous pink-spray painted bicycle?? Barking like a puppy (not my doing), ice-cream cravings and hair products. Yet again, the wrong cleavages. Basement of Heartland mall (gullible please). Chinh's tap water HAHA. Androids. And the best was Punggol Park (after eating for the second time). Little bench under the shade after a round until 4pm. Talking redundant. Legs drawn and start of HTHTs. Vulnerability and insecurity. There's alot I learnt yet I'm sure there's more to learn.



You know, I truly don't expect anything more than this; expectations set too high would lead to an even bigger disappointment. Just glad to have you here, there, everywhere. Glad to understand you more, to be your 'block of wood', to know that other side (we named it Android HA).
Glad to be a friend to you.

(:

ofblack&white
2:54 PM

And so walking down the sidewalks full of nameless people scrutinising every little detail and yet
going over the same ones twice.
Keeling over in pain baby.

Queen to the minor and oblivious to the obvious, it's that I'm feeling-so-shit-I'm-smiling-to-make-believe. I think I'm those cursed with all year PMS, MS, and PMS. It's a vicious cycle (boys don't say you know because you haven't GOT a womb to know) and oh the horror it brought me. It's funny to sit again at the same place and realising every passing face isn't yours. I nearly pushed an elf into the bushes where she actually belong (heard of bush-elf? I think Enid Blyton wrote about them once. They live in toadstools. Or is that known as pixies?). I love that distraction numbers gave me, and yet a book title caught my attention in trying to understand the world better. Or does it? I don't know, Popular bookstores have so much and yet so little.

Some tried to push non-existent blame on me and it's so easy to snap and snarl but being nice I shall not do such things. Sometimes people get so funny thinking you're in control of everything. They complain about every damn thing in the world and not DO anything about it. Haha talk about under-utilising non-existent grey matter.
I hate Annamary today.


Today a stranger praised me about having the touch (Kat please don't laugh and roll your eyes at me) and I think she's strange to say that.
Then again, strangers are strange when you don't know them, right?

It's not right for me to not speak, yet there's nothing to speak of. The proverbial wall shot up out of nowhere, yet again. Haha it's dejavu from few years back.
Sometimes there's so much clarity in silence and sometimes there's so much confusion in it as well. I don't know which it is right now.
I don't wish to know.

There's a certain kind of calmness I feel around you yet you jumbled up every common sense in me. I don't see right. Maybe I need a higher degree for my lenses. I'm going to be as blind as a bat.

The yearning to feel the wind in my hair is very strong yet lethargy seem to sap every ounce of energy I have. Haha I think I'm never going to cycle in the morning due to my exponential rate of procrastination. Last week was such a contrast to the start of the new (in terms of sleeping habit). I used to count sheep until they reach a thousand but now I don't even have to count to ten before one plonked down and knocked the wind out of me. Hahaha so fluffy!
Talking about sheep next week is AidilAdha so we see sheep getting slaughtered. In other words, a feast. I hope the parentals doesn't think of another grill -.-

There's so much difference in a contact when there's different intentions attached to it. How I used to be so self-conscious about my own actions but now I say screw what you think. The joys of turning twenty. I guess we have to sit down and come to terms with Perception. It'll untangle the nerves out of you.
This is to the friend who kept not asking a particular girl in your group out.
CAN YOU PLEASE DO SO. I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS.


-------------------

That was yesterday. My internet decided to screw up. So here I am tonight, staring at the computer screen squinting (and no doubt making my eyes worse) trying to make light of things that doesn't make sense at all. I'm all bruised no thanks to Siglap girls and the horrifyingly rough match. I don't know how many of us were thrown on the synthetic cursing like sailors.

Ilyana's grandpa, my granduncle, passed away just now. This is yet another reminder to me, to you, to all, how life could end in a moment. And soon the person will fade away. You'd be lying if you say memories of the person doesn't, because every passing day, every passing month and every passing year their faces dim and their voices reduced to incoherent whispers, and the more you strain to hear and see the more they diminish, into nothingness. And soon we will forget our reason to live, and get too carried away with the world until another funeral hit us in the face, yet another painful reminder.

Yet again my internet is screwing up. Right now I feel so tired and lonely and hungry it's not even funny. I don't like cold nights when I get all mauldin.


I looked up and everytime it hit showers sprang down and I like it, makes it seem as if it's cleansing the world of sins.

Dr Liu cannot really help with my situation now. I HOPE YOU GET SACKED.



When I type in circles and riddles you know what this means.
I'm not okay.

ofblack&white
9:16 PM

There was a time when I thought I couldn't sit around with Rosie and a friend for 5 hours. Then there was a time where I actually SAT around with Rosie and a friend for 5 butt-numbing hours at a void deck belting out songs with Rosie, taking pictures, singing oldies without Rosie, talking, talking, and bothering residents of the HDB flat and talking. Such a stress reliever.


I think I hit a wall. I'm going no where but maybe going no where is where it is good. Expectations set the standard and I didn't have it high and so numb is more of a word to use then, and now I am at peace. It's the period of conflict between me and Alice (Alice is the name of my alter ego; me and Pei En decided that one fateful night HAHA) and to tell you the truth for once I won. Alice is not talking to me and it's good because much of emotions (and maybe the lack thereof) was due to her. So moody! So it's better to see life through the cleaner side of the window and decide every bit of sunshine that passes through is better than that dark murky shadow that seem to stretch long.

So as weeks go this was not one of the best, certainly not the worse, but through every obstacle there will always be a silver lining that makes things easier to bear, it's just a matter of seeing it or not.
This week Naz's and Yana chan's grandmother passed away (I cannot say I know how they feel because I don't), I got stuck in a lift for 5 minutes, I wanted to shower and there's no water due to the pipes being changed, my dad saw someone's finger chopped (again), I hit a hard wall (but I'm right back up), I had horrible case of insomnia and constipation, aaaannnnddddd examinations are the week after. Doesn't sound too good but it could be worse.

There was the issue of pictures, contradiction jumping out of every corner giving me nasty surprises. There was the problem of a Red-and-White Orbea that weigh a ton of guilt, chain of silver and leather of white reminded me yet again, of the guilt that bear me down. Damsel nagged at me. You don't know how awful it is to be nagged at by someone 2 years your junior and actually spooning out advice to me. Taste like poison. The more I kept away the more he comes forward, the more she kept away the more drawn I would feel. It's like an mobius strip, there is no beginning to this and I don't see any end, due to my inability to keep Alice, Conscience, Empathy and Sympathy (and maybe a dash of Curiousity and Attraction) at bay. Oh the joys of life. Feels a bit like Half-Life 2 to me; got to hide and come out quickly to shoot at the targets.


I was thinking of getting a travelling guitar (those cheap small ones, an Ukelele would be ideal too, anything less than 200$) because I felt that tantamount of emotions and sentimentality when I played Rosie out of home. Since I've got a bicycle now, I would want to bring a guitar to the beach now and then to sit and play and waste my while away. But Rosie's too heavy (think poor aching back).


I'm craving for Apple Strudel and it's a good sign. For one and a half weeks I can't work up an appetite to eat due to my constipation issues (mum kept sighing about veges; ILI YOU GOT TO EAT YOUR VEGES says she). This lack of sleep and food makes Alice come out and play with my friends.

I don't know if I'm getting more weird by the moment but then again define normality. I know that I'm getting a bit more warped with my thinking and perception of life and the liberal mind, as they say, is the most dangerous thing I have. There's much thought about the ideal way of life, trying to bridge the gap between rich and poor, wondering if it IS right to tax the rich more and less the poor.
For years I've been thinking Robin Hood was right, but now to look at it from the other side of the window, why take away hard-earned wealth from people who WORK for it and give to those who couldn't even work up enough energy and effort to find a job and support themselves?
Society's burden and social ills should be eradicated.
We should set up our own set of gas chambers for these people HAHA.


Melodies I love. And being the masochist that I am, listening to it every single day is like a cut at the same place, over and over
and over and over again.
Numbs it all.

Funny how I rode a magic carpet and fell out the moment I reached the sky.
Guess God wouldn't allow me to pluck a star and keep it to make my night warm.

ofblack&white
12:15 PM